Our Personal Promise from Heaven

Have you ever read anything by John Eldredge?  He's most famous for his book Wild at Heart about male spirituality.  It's a fascinating book and a great read.  He and his wife also wrote Captivating about female spirituality which is exceptional.  Perhaps my favorite is Waking the Dead which is about the heart living "fully alive" and spiritual warfare. 

A few years ago I saw Eldredge had come out with a new book, Walking with God: Talk to Him. Hear from Him.  Really.  This book detailed Eldredge's experience with personal prayer through Scripture.  He shared that as he prays, he begins to ask the Lord, "Where would you like me to turn in Scripture?  What do you want me to read?"  He explained that the Lord would reveal to him Book, chapter and sometimes verse and speak to him through His word. (This is a much different approach from simply allowing the Bible to open to wherever it falls!) 

As I read Eldredge's experience with this method, I was intrigued and incredibly jealous.  How could he possibly hear God THAT clearly?  I wanted to try it!  I started praying the night before, "Please Lord.  Let me hear you.  I want to be able to hear you this clearly.  Speak to me Lord.  Open my  heart and my mind and let me experience you in this way."  I prayed this until I fell asleep and then woke up with this prayer in my heart.  I prayed as I showered, prayed as I ate breakfast, and prayed as I got dressed.  "Please, God, please!  Please let me hear you!!" 

Finally I sat down with my Bible.  "Ok, Lord, what do you want me to read?  Where shall I turn?" 

Crickets...

Waiting...

I find myself thinking, "Matthew". 

"Matthew, Lord?  Was that you?  Did you tell me Matthew?  Am I hearing you correctly?" 

Crickets...

While thinking to myself that I was totally making this up, I decided to try it and turn to Matthew. 

"Ok, Lord, I'm in Matthew.  Where in Matthew shall I turn?" 

Silence. 

Still waiting.

"16"

"WHAT?  Did you say sixteen, Lord?  Was that you?  Am I making this up or is this coming from you?"

Nothing. 

Crickets.

Laughing slightly to myself because I'm sure I'm making this up, I turn to Matthew 16. 

"Where in Matthew 16, Lord?  What do you want me to read?  I'm here, Lord, speak to me." 

Absolutely nothing.

"OK, I'll read the whole chapter.  Please Lord, I really want to hear you.  Let you words just jump off the page at me.  When I get to what you're trying to say to me, let the words just burn in my heart."

So with excitement and anticipation, I read Matthew 16.  And I read it again.  And I prayed some more and read it a third time. 

And absolutely nothing resonated with me.  Not one word spoke to my heart. 

Feeling very defeated, I shrugged my shoulders, finished my prayers, and finished getting ready for school.

It was a Thursday, and we have Mass as a school every Thursday.  As a first grade teacher, my focus is not 100% on the Mass, but on the wiggling, talkative, precious students in my class as well.  Suddenly, I heard the same words I had read that morning.  The Gospel in Mass was not from Matthew, but Mark 8:27-33.  This is the parallel story to Matthew 16, where Jesus asks Peter, "Who do you say that I am?"  Suddenly the words shot through my heart like an arrow.  I almost sat down in shock.  I know my jaw dropped.  He had my attention now and was saying to me VERY clearly,

"Lauren.  Who do YOU say that I am?" 

He had heard me. 

He had spoken to me. 

And I had heard Him!  Correctly!  And not only that, but He confirmed this for me, knowing I was not sure.  I was overjoyed.  I was amazed!  I was in total awe.  Of course I took time later to answer His question fully and meditate upon it. 

But fast-forward a few days...

I had continued this method and had some success.  The verses weren't necessarily earth-shattering, but I could feel Him speaking to me and I felt SO good about that.  One morning, I heard Him say, "Genesis."  Upon further asking I heard, "17."  So obediently and confidently I turned to Genesis 17.  I prayed for wisdom and a soft heart, and then began.

And nearly fell out of my chair. 

When Abram prostrated himself, God continued to speak to him: My covenant with you is this: you are to become the father of a host of nations.  No longer shall you be called Abram; your name shall be Abraham, for I am making you the father of a host of nations.  I will render you exceedingly fertile; I will make nations of you; kings shall stem from you... Genesis 16:3-6

"I will render you exceedingly fertile." ???

"I will render you exceedingly fertile." !?!

"I will render YOU exceedingly fertile." !!!

As tears streamed down my face, I knew this verse was for me.  I knew I was hearing Him correctly.  I knew the Lord was speaking to me directly.  I knew He cared about my heart, and cared about our infertility.  I knew He cared about the desires of my heart, and had planted them there for a reason. 

"I will render you exceedingly fertile." 

I also knew Abraham and Sarah did not get pregnant for many years after this promise, nor did they have more than one child together.  And yet, the Lord of Heaven and Earth cared about MY heart.  The Lord God Almighty, who with a word can form the mountains and create the waters of the ocean cared enough to promise fruit from our struggles.  He will not allow this time to be barren, but will bring forth fruit from our suffering.  And after years of reflecting on this moment and promise, I know He is promising more than just spiritual fertility, but a family and children as well.  I know we will be blessed with children.  They may be natural, adopted and/or both, but we will have a family!  And even more importantly,

I matter to God.