Yesterday our newest social worker came to our house. She's with the third agency that we're now working with. We're in the approval process and she came to verify our home study. She's just lovely, and this venting is nothing personal, just frustration with the process and some of the questions she had to ask, such as the two biggest...
I see you're open to special needs children. What steps are you taking to prepare yourselves for this?
Ummm...Praying? Building up community? Seriously- am I supposed to research and prepare for every possible complication that could arise? Study AIDS, Downs, babies with fetal alcohol syndrome, cerebral palsy and more? Most birth parents are just as "surprised" by their baby's special needs, too, and take it one day at a time! I mean really- what is the *right* answer here???
I see you're open to any race. How are you preparing yourselves to enrich your child in their natural culture and heritage?
Ummm...what? Am I back in my silly college education classes about diversity? (Can I get an eye-roll, M?) Oh man, we stumbled through this one. I'm pretty sure I used the words "melting pot" in my answer. That can't be good. (After we left we laughed and laughed about our real answer, which is, "Diversity! We don't believe in that diversity bologna!" I'm sure that would have gone over well.)
Sheez. Just ring, phone! RING!
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12 comments:
I agree, it's tough to know what the right answer is! Maybe the right answer is that there is no right answer--I think the important thing to express is that you'll love your child no matter what and do everything you can to make sure he or she has a wonderful happy life--and I'm sure your social worker saw that in you both!! :-)
Yikes! Those questions would have caught me off gaurd too!
As someone who works in special education you may want to consider this answer (and actually doing it) before that happens again.
Yes it's true that there are a million different types of syndromes/disorders that your little one could have, however, almost every single one will require some of the same type of care. They will probably need physical therapy, occupational therapy, nursing assistance, speech therapy, or all of the above. You could try to familiarize yourself with what types of places offer those services and how you would get started with the testing. Most states have some type of free early intervention service you could look into. Maybe even just having a list of phone numbers available in case you are given a special needs baby?
Just a thought! Hope everything else goes smoothly!
Thanks, ladies! Good answer, Kaitlin! Could you listen via microphone next time and feed me answers? :) I guess I naively was assuming insurance would just tell me where I could go anyway. A list of phone numbers is a good idea.
I think we assumed the interview would be a breeze- just a formality since we've done them before. We were caught off guard by the tough questions.
I think social workers have to ask? I know that our sw has a checklist of things she has to cover every time she comes for follow up visits. I always assumed it had something to do with adoption law? Who knows...I understand what you are saying though. Those are things you will figure out as you go.
You guys are so open...what a blessing! It took me a little while to be open to all races...and we weren't open to special needs. You have a big heart. I hope I can get there some day. Now- why the heck isn't your phone ringing off the hook?! ;)
We never got asked that question about special needs, thankfully, because I would have been caught off guard too! We had a hard enough time answering the questions about discipline!
Maybe the agencies ask all those questions because they have to justify charging us so much. Haha! Just kidding (sort of). We were asked at our follow up what size clothes C wears (it was a question on a list she needed to know). Not sure what that had to do with anything. Oh well. Hang in there. We just have to do what it takes for the end result :)
Wow, that would catch me off guard too. Kaitlin's suggestion is great.
As a mom of kids with special needs, both physical and mental/emotional, having a good pediatrician is key. She or he can help you find the specialists you could need. And having a good community is key as well. If you have kids that you regularly are around, you will know whether your child is developing with their peers or struggling in some areas.
Just tell 'em what they want to hear hon and lay it on thick. I agree that it's all so stupid. Culture? The kid is going to have OUR culture and there's no amount of imitating another one that just won't be weird - for everyone. I hate how they try to scare people. I really do.
Oh, UGH. I feel for you.... I know it's obligatory to ask, but seriously. Just ugh.
ohh that's rough!
Next time, have her call me. ;) I would remind her that your taught kindergarten and first grade and loved on each and every child who walked in your door, no matter what their emotional or physical needs and will do even more with all the kids in your home.
On second thought, don't have her call me, I have a few answers for the diversity question that prob aren't appropriate for blogland, much less your social worker. Has she met you and JC yet? Or either of your families? How does she THINK you're going to raise your kiddos?!?! Anyway....
yes, major eye roll, L!!! ugh!
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