Then infertility hit.
Suddenly I felt I lost my voice for NFP. Why would anyone listen to me promote it? Sure I could rattle off the positive aspects and hope my enthusiasm would be contagious but the reality is the person listening was probably thinking (or perhaps actually saying), "Sure, it's one thing for her to promote this. She doesn't know how hard it is month after month. She doesn't know how crazy these kids are driving me!"
And so I was often silent. But one day I realized I did have a voice. It was just from a different angle. My approach was not, "See, we're doing it. It's not so hard!" Instead I was able to say, "Your fertility is such a BLESSING! I would give ANYTHING to have that struggle."
Faith Makes Things Possible wrote yesterday about a loved one struggling with infertility. She originally feared being "lapped" but when the loved one admitted the pain of infertility, FMTP was devastated to find that her relative experienced the same pain that she did.
I, too, have had three close friends struggle with infertility. All were secondary, and one was fairly brief, but all experienced that pain, none-the-less. FMTP is right. I wish that on NO ONE.
So when I hear a pregnancy announcement, I think about these things. I could be listening to a person complain about the burden of children and how their husband was "fixed". I could be listening to a person describe the pain of hoping each month, and then having their hopes crushed. Instead I am hearing a person who has new life inside of her. A new soul is in the world! The world will never be the same since the creation of that new person. And so I rejoice. I thank the Lord for this child, this mother, this family and praise Him for His gift of fertility. Is this difficult? At times. But all things are possible in Christ; it is He who strengthens me.
I love how the prayer to Saint Gerard applies to those who want to be a Mom and those who are a Mom!
O good St Gerard, powerful intercessor before God and wonder worker of our day, confidently I call upon you and seek your aid. On Earth you always fulfilled God's designs, help me now to do the holy will of God. Implore the Master of Life, from whom all paternity proceeds, to render me fruitful in offspring, that I may raise up children to God in this life, and in the world to come, heirs to the Kingdom of His Glory. Amen.
Saint Gerard, pray for us!
20 comments:
What a beautiful outlook! I do not struggle with infertility, but before conceiving our 5th, we were open for about 4 months and for the first time, I had consecutive months of disappointment at pregnancy test time. While it is nothing, I am sure compared to what some suffer, it did shed some light for me on the struggle. St. Gerard is such a blessing for my family (men in every generation have that name). God bless.
Thank you so much for writing this. I really needed to hear this today.
What a beautiful way to "magnify the Lord" in the midst of your own sorrow, Miss Lauren!
The NFP coordinator in our diocese asked if we would help with their marriage prep classes to offer our testimonial for the benefits of NFP. We really struggled with saying yes because when we were going through those classes, we were open to NFP but pretty skeptical about whether it really "worked." If an infertile couple had tried to tell me how great NFP is, I shamefully would have scoffed to myself and thought, "yeah, but how do THEY know if it 'works?'"
We've now given 2 of these presentations, and it's truly a case where we get more than we give! We just approach it from a different angle and say that NFP gave us different benefits than we thought it would in that it helped us get to a diagnosis so much faster than anything else would have, and hard as it's been, to be a lot more accepting of how (in)fertility fits into God's plan for us. The couples have been really responsive, and it's turned out to be a huge blessing for us to be able to talk about it!
So good for you for still appreciating the blessings of NFP! You have no idea who it may touch!
Thank you for this. You said some things I needed to hear today. :)
You testimony really helps change my heart. Thanks!
beautiful Lauren!
Lauren - beautiful reflection. I love this perspective on new life. I honestly think that IF couples have a *lot* to offer to the NFP conversation. If nothing else, there may be a couple in that class or discussion who experiences a similar IF struggle. And I know I have benefited greatly from just being exposed to this perspective... hec, IF is in the news and on Oprah all the time but usually framed in the context of IVF or surrogacy! We need more devout Catholics speaking up about this issue and about great options like NFP to help monitor whatever pattern our bodies might throw at us. :)
And lastly... even those of us who may not be diagnosed with a fertility problem can have some complex feelings regarding pg announcements and being "lapped."
Love this:) You really hit home with me. thank you!
This is beautiful! I agree with what Abigail said!!! :)
Yet another amazing post filled with compassion, wisdom and holiness.
Can I be you?
That is wonderfully said! We are a NFP couple, teaching it with CCl and If it wasn't for NFP, I honestly believe my only son (3girls) will not be here. I am now going on my second year of not being able to conceive and stay pregnant(lost one a year ago) and its hard now using NFP b/c I know what will come once that temperature drops and it just breaks my heart that it just doesn't stay up and up but NFP is a gift from God for all couples now mater what stage or calling we have. Thank you for your voice!
Wow...an absolutely beautiful post!
I needed this. I just posted about the pain of hearing a close relative's pregnancy announcement. But you're totally right - it would be worse to hear that their announcement was the same as what I'm dealing with. Good perspective. Thank you.
This was my fear too. I wondered what people would think when we got up there and talked about it and they asked where our children were (fortunately for now, the absence of children is probably helping our case!). I love how you consider what else you could be hearing and praise God, that is such a good way to look at it. It can be so hard but I really have to just repeat to myself "this is a miracle, this is a miracle" Just because its happening to someone else and not me does not make it any more of a miracle! Thanks for your words of wisdom.
beautiful words from a beautiful lady. i am thankful we are friends.
What a great outlook! And I love the St. Gerard prayer :)
Lauren,
I haven't checked in with your blog for awhile. Congratulations on finalizing the adoption of your beautiful baby.
I left a comment on an earlier post about celiac disease being a little known cause of infertility and miscarriage. Apparently, it's still a little known cause. I skimmed the recent issue of "Family Foundations," which focuses on infertility, and I saw no mention of the celiac disease connection. It is a crime that women (and men) affected by reproductive health issues do not know that their diet might have everything in the world to do with it. Your blog has a large following. Please do some research on the subject and let others know about it.
Here are excerpts from a "Living Without" blog post: "Researchers found celiac antibodies were nearly 5 times more likely to be present in women with unexplained infertility, recurrent miscarriage and stillbirth compared to women without complications. In women with IUGR, antibodies were nearly 8 times more likely to show up. The team concluded that women experiencing unexplained infertility, recurrent miscarriage, stillbirths or IUGR could have subclinical celiac and screening should be considered."
"...the research suggests reproductive problems may be the first sign of celiac, a finding that may help countless otherwise asymptomatic women reach a diagnosis and achieve a healthy pregnancy. In addition, recent studies suggest treatment with the gluten-free diet has a beneficial effect on fertility and pregnancy outcomes."
Here's a link: http://www.livingwithout.com/blog/inside_living_without-2407-1.html?ET=livingwithout:e1321:43151a:&st=email
Interesting, Cheryl. Have you read Nourishing Traditions? It discusses, among other things, the effect of sprouting grains on the digestive system. Here's a quote,
The proteins in grains, especially gluten, are very difficult to digest. If the grains (especially gluten grains) are not soaked or sprouted, they put a great strain on the digestive system, which can over time, turn into allergies, celiac disease, mental illness, chronic indigestion and candida overgrowth. The process of sprouting partially breaks down the gluten and other difficult-to-digest proteins into simpler components more readily available for absorption. And the enzymes help with the rest of the job, done by our digestive system. (Nourishing Traditions, page 453)
Lauren,
I haven't read "Nourishing Traditions," but many women have mentioned it, and the sprouting of grains, when I've broached the subject of celiac disease. Sprouting may be a good idea, but if you've got celiac disease or a gluten sensitivity it will likely do no good, as the body will make antibodies when gluten is present, and these are the problem, not a lack of digestive enzymes. Gluten has been shown to attack body tissue on contact and can affect any organ (including the brain: gluten ataxia); its opioids contribute to cancer by taking out the body's natural killer cells; gluten has been implicated in nearly 300 diseases and chronic conditions (especially autoimmune ones like type-1 diabetes and Hashimoto's Thyroiditis -- both of which affect my 12yo daughter; she's been gluten free for 4 years, like all of her siblings, but I wish I had gotten her off gluten long ago).
It is estimated that 1 in 100 people have celiac disease and that 6 or 7 times as many have gluten sensitivity (there's little difference in my mind; mainly a matter of degree).
I suggest "Dangerous Grains" by Braly and Hoggan and "Before the Villi are Gone" by Kenneth Fine. http://www.celiac.com/articles/759/1/Early-Diagnosis-of-Gluten-Sensitivity-Before-the-Villi-are-Gone-by-By-Kenneth-Fine-MD/Page1.html
In Fine's article you'll learn about the poor celiac disease diagnostic rate (here in the US, it takes an average of 11 years from onset of symptoms to diagnosis).
What it all comes down to for a person struggling with infertility is this: Is achieving pregnancy worth going gluten free for a number of months? For me, the answer would be yes. Can going gluten free hurt? I'd have to say no.
My cousin, who faced infertility, was finally diagnosed with celiac disease a few years ago, when it was too late for her to get pregnant. Her older sister also struggled with infertility, and it's too late for her.
While infertility has never been a problem for me, I can attest to the fact that my 3 pregnancies after going gluten-free were much less problematic than my first 3 pregnancies, and my last three babies were much healthier without gluten in my breastmilk.
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