1) Cook. I'm cooking and baking like crazy and freezing everything!!!
2) Shop. Trying, trying, trying to get my Christmas shopping and projects finished.
3) Mentally prepare. This is where you come in!
Any advice for handling a newborn and toddler? (Abigail will be 14 months.) I need advice as basic as how to get both girls in and out of the car! I read two neat tips for interactions between the girls. 1) Have the baby "talk" to Abigail. "She says, 'wow! That's some great dancing! I love to watch you dance!'" or "She's crying and saying 'whah, whah, I want to be a big girl and dance, too!!! No fair!'" 2) Tell baby to wait. "Sorry baby, you have to wait now. I have to help Abigail right now!!!" Even though you were going to help Abigail already- telling the baby to wait help Abigail understand her needs are being met, too.
Aren't those good? I'm good at stealing great ideas! Any other advice???
22 comments:
The car - When leaving the house I make Clara walk and put Luke in first. Before she could walk I'd either leave her in the house and run back and forth, or I'd bring them both out, Luke in his carrier back then, and put Clara in first while Luke sat in his seat on the ground. When we're out, I just keep one in the cart or stroller while I do the other one. If I'm really nervous about leaving one, I'd just put the first one in their seat, unbuckled, while I got the other one.
It's good to try to get A to "help" too, although C was much too young for that when L was born. But now I have her use a wipe to wash his face, or grab me a diaper. 9 times out of 10 it's just for her benefit, but sometimes she really does help!
Early on, I put a little kit together in the living room of diapers, wipes, all the other newborn essentials, even snacks for me. Eventually we ended up moving the changing table right in the living room! It was just easier than leaving C several times a day to change L, and I also realized I needed access to it even when one was napping in their room (unless you'll have two). Not the best lr decor, but it got me through!!
Be prepared for A to perhaps get a little naughty when you're feeding the new baby. I think C just saw it as an opportunity when she knew I was otherwise engaged and was taking advantage of that, not even that she was jealous. You can have special toys for A that come out just when you're feeding or rocking and can't pay as much attention to A.
Another biggy with us was teaching "gentle" right from day one. She really took to it and would rub L's head and say it.
You'll get the swing of it soon!! It didn't take long for me to find my groove because there's no other option! Haha ;)
We "bribe" early in our household. I buy a fun cool gift, wrap it up and take it to the hospital room with me. Then when big sister comes to visit for the first time, we say "the baby is so excited to meet you. She brought you a present!"
Don't worry too much about the toddler --baby thing, because for the first few months God breaks you in easy. I'd worry most about Abigail's safety when getting into the car first, because she's mobile. Little Sister will patiently wait her turn in the stroller or in the moby wrap.
Don't worry. You'll be a pro in a few short weeks!:-)
No advice here just some comments. My girls are 15 months apart and my older one was still crawling when we brought Liv home! Anyway, I was very stressed about having two that young but I found when Olivia came home, it was much easier than I thought. I actually forgot how much babies slept and ended up with far more focused time with Hannah than I thought I would have. Actually six months down the road was far harder than the first six months. And now it's super easy again. You'll get through it! Just enjoy the snuggling, try not to shower too much or try to do too much. Even though you didn't give birth, your energy quickly gets depeleted. Rest. Get them napping at the same time. Hold them a lot. A lot:) And take a lot of picutres. You'll find yourself adjusting very quickly.
Get a double stroller, maybe a Sit N Stand or an umbrella one. It was a lifesaver for me when we went on outings.
If you have a two-story house, make sure you have a changing station both upstairs and down so you're not constantly running upstairs for diapers, wipes, etc.
13 months between our 1st 2. If you're doing something with #1 and #2 starts crying finish with #1 before tending to the crying#2 (provided it's not too long and baby isn't truly in distress). I think it helps reduce resentment that #1 may feel if she's always displaced by #2's needs. I second introduce gentle and stroking baby rather than patting/hitting right away. I let #1 hold #2 on my lap alot and asked him to help by handing me things whenever possible.
We have an attached garage so I would buckle baby into the carrier inside the house, leave her at the door, bring toddler to the car and buckle in, get baby from the doorway and set carrier into seat.
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I don't have much advice but I wanted to subscribe since I will be in the same situation in a few shirt months.
I did read a few things that I liked.
When you are feeding the new baby make that reading time with A. Have her go pick out a book or two for you two to read while you feed the baby. She can sit next to you and turn the pages.
I like the idea of the baby giving A a present the first time A meets her. My sister did this.
I also like the idea of letting A "help" you with the baby and making sure to make a huge deal a out what a big girl she is and how much she helps you.
As hard as it will be I also think you should try to keep A on her schedule as much as possible. The baby will be much more flexible.
That's all I've got. Of course this may all go out the window in a few month when I have an 11 month old and a new born. :)
No advice here but looking for some too! So glad you posted this. It will be very helpful to me as well!
Have done the telling the baby to wait idea with good results ~ seem to ease the jealousy a bit and modeled that sometimes Lisbeth was going to have to wait and sometimes her baby brother had to wait.
We ended up doing the opposite of what you found as advice about making the baby "talk." Our toddler (who had just turned 2 when baby arrived) would do a loud fake cry whenever the newborn started crying and would yell "cry like the baby cries??" I thought I would lose my mind for a few weeks! ;)
So then we started emphasizing how the baby can't talk, but the big boy CAN use his words. He really got to like that idea that he could do things differently from the baby who couldn't talk. I also started making funny faces when the baby would start crying and say, "wow, the baby is SO loud!" That made him laugh. And one day, in utter desperation, I made up a goofy song (to Frere Jacques) that went "Baby is crying, baby is crying, yes he is, yes he is! We will go and help him, we will go & help him, yes we will, yes we will." My toddler LOVES this song now and we sing it whenever the baby cries. I think it helps us both mellow out!
For me, the older Ryleigh got, the harder it was. Ryleigh slept a lot, so I still had a lot of tie with Rorie. When Ryleigh was up, we "shared" Ryleigh's toys. Rorie was so taken with her, that she loved playing with Ryleigh when Ryleigh was in the bouncer. She would push all the button for Ryleigh so music would play. Rorie would dance and clap her hands and Ryleigh loved to watch her dance. Rorie actually helped a lot in that she was entertaining to Ryleigh.
As for the car, I would put Rorie in first b/c Ryleigh was in her carrier. And then I would take Ryleigh out first, keep her in her carrier and put her at my feet on the ground. Then get Rorie out, hold her hand and walk into to store, etc. If we were going to the zoo or the doctor, we had a double stroller and I would take the girls out one at a time and put them directly in the stroller. I still have it if you want it. I can bring it to your Mom this coming weekend and she can bring it to you.
So excited about baby girl!!!!
Think about what needs to be baby proofed to keep A safe while you are taking care of new baby (yayyyyy!).
I am in the midst of purchasing ever child safety device known to man as Augie has started running away from home (age 22 months). Other than that, I second what all others have said. Be prepared for a tough transition (1 to 2 is the hardest, imo). So trilled for you!!
You'll use the Moby a lot! It's great to have hands free for the older. We also tell John Paul all the time, Leo LOVES you! Look how much he loves his big brother! What a great big brother you are, you are so helpful, etc. He LOVES when Leo smiles at him and he makes him laugh. (They are 19 months apart).
Honestly John Paul pretty much ignored Leo until a few months ago. He has never acted like he was going to hurt him or hit him or anything.
Y'all are absolutely awesome. I have loved having your advice pour in- via email and phone calls, too!!! I feel like I have such a better picture of daily life and how it will all work, thanks to your amazing tips and advice. Thank you for sharing how your families have navigated these waters!
I agree that it is so important to have a long term perspective. I know this first year will be challenging, but what an incredible gift to have a best friend for life! I'm already praying for their friendship!!
Thanks for all the advice about the car!!! I don't know why this seems like such a major obstacle to figure out. I think I'll try a variety of things and am grateful for all your ideas. One thing I'm going to do is have ABigail start trying to climb into her carseat by herself. And stay there. Haha!
AYWH- I never had a diaper station in the living room for Abigail- so at first thought that wouldn't be necessary until you brilliantly pointed out sometimes one baby will be sleeping in that room!!!! SO SO SO SO TRUE! Thank you for your foresight!!! And I love the idea of special toys/books for feeding time. In fact, I combined that idea with Abigail's idea and ordered 4 new books today for Abigail's present/special books! Sweet! And Karen- Lisa called with similar advice about letting feeding time be reading time. I love it!!!! Thanks, ladies!!!
Abby- that must have been SOOO challenging to not have your older one walking yet! I'm SO grateful Abigail's such a great walker. She can go far, too!!!
Y'all are all so right about letting #2 cry while tending to Abigail. I know that will be hard b/c I pretty much never let Abigail cry!!! But realistically- someone's going to be crying at one point or another! BE PREPARED, right?! :)
Mothering Spirit- I can see how that would backfire on you! Ha!!! Thanks for the warning ahead of time! Way to put out that fire!
Sarah- I love the image of Rorie dancing for Ryleigh and entertaining her!!! I hope for that for my girls!!! (I love calling them my girls!!!)
Mary-Elizabeth- love love love the asking Abigail if she wants to be my baby or my big girl. So simple but it truly meets her where she's at! I love it! And I love the idea of wearing A more. I honestly was picturing wearing #2 all the time- I hadn't even thought about wearing A more often. What a great balance to strike! Thanks!!!
Y'all are so awesome!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!
hahaha teachers are the best idea stealers! I have zero advice but will paying close attention to you!
-Annie
Just reading up on all these great comments! I wanted to add that when we brought Dominic home we put his pack-n-play up in the living room with the infant bassinet part installed. If you have one of these, they are awesome! You can change the kids on it and put the baby in it so she's not on the ground and out of harm's way. I put diapers and wipes in the corner of mine too just for convenience. They are really handy! And cheap. Ours was the basic one - only $60. That way you can keep your changing table in the nursery for night time and stuff.
I only have one right now, but a friend of mine has hired a Mama's helper for one morning a week so that she and the older child can have a special date. They do something inexpensive and fun for one or two hours and that has helped them with the transition to the new baby a lot.
Miss Lauren, Forget sweating the details of life with 2 under 2--
There is a 75% chance this new kid will not have colic!!! :-)
You will not know what to do with all of your free time compared to Miss Abigail's newborn stage.
(And even if Little Sister does have colic, you are now an experienced Mom. This stage will not rock your world like before!)
For the car--I used to open Teresa's side and tell Miriam to "crawl through." She would crawl/toddle/walk across the floor over to her side, and climb up into her seat while I got Teresa in. She could only go one way--toward her seat--and not escape, because I left her door closed. I used to just say "up and in!" in a singsongy voice and she would climb up into her seat. When I was done with Teresa, I would close Teresa's side, and go around to Miriam's and do her buckles. Sometimes I would forget and get in the driver seat and Miriam would yell "Straps straps!" and remind me! Before we had the van, I could actually reach across Teresa and do Miriam' straps all from the same side. It will be easier than you think. Soon you'll be driving down the road and telling Abigail to "hand baby her paci, please" or "hand baby this toy" or "tell me if baby is sleeping. Are her eyes open or closed?" You won't need that mirror anymore, LOL.
I have been sooooo busy and not able to check any blogs a d boy have I missed some serious news!!!!! God is so good - I am over the moon happy for you guys!!! A baby sister how wonderful!!!! You will have Irish twins :))))
I have no advice for you, but I am so extremely happy and excited for you and your family! God bless you!!
I love all this advice!!
Mine are exactly 14 months apart also. Of all the tips, I'd say getting a mother's helper so you can spend one on one time with the older one (or younger one, whomever you determine needs it most) is an AWESOME idea. Trust me on that one. I grieved the one on one relationship I had formed with L like crazy. Even though I was falling in love with the new baby, I missed L so much in those first few weeks. That is probably normal (I hope) so if that happens to you, it's okay. Things do normalize over time, but getting one on one with both babies is important, i think. Can't wait!
There's so many great ideas in these comments! I find many of them so useful right now!!
Since we're still just figuring it all out over here with our two, everything is still trial and error. I will say, that having G "help" me with things has been helpful for everyone!
Also, the best thing for me was the moment that I realized I can't possibly to everything for everyone all at once! So priorities have to be set, and having one child wait while the other is tended to is the only way to manage - and deep breaths while you hear whining/crying from the other one! You'll be able to meet all of their needs, it might just take a little more time.
We got a new book which has been perfect: I'm A Big Sister by Joanna Cole. G loves it, and it adresses some of the adjustments of the new big sister role - and promotes the fact that she is special in her own way etc. We also added goodnight kisses for R into G's bedtime routine, which has been great. I think you'll be surprised how quickly the sisterly bond and love will show up!
I am so incredibly happy for you!! Having sisters so close in age is so wonderful - my sister and I are 18 months apart, and best of friends. My girls are 24 months apart, and watching them interact just makes my heart sing!
You'll do a great job as a mom to both of them, because of all the love and faith that you have pouring out of you. A (and any other children that join your family) is so lucky to have such dedicated, loving, giving parents!! God bless you!!
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