Complaining

My junior year of college, I gave up complaining for Lent.  To keep myself in check, I pledged to not eat chocolate on any day that I caught myself complaining.  


I didn't eat a lot of chocolate that Lent!  


I was amazed to discover just how much complaining I do!  Often I complained just to make conversation.  "The weather sure is awful."  "I am so tired!"  "I have so much homework and two huge tests next week!"  This certainly isn't earth-shattering, but it's negative all the same.  The experience heightened my awareness of my speech and the effect of negative vs. positive words on my attitude.


Scripture paints a unfavorable picture of people who complain.  Saint Jude writes,

Behold, the Lord has come with his countless holy ones to execute judgment on all and to convince everyone for all the godless deeds that they committed and for all the harsh words godless sinners have uttered against him.  These people are complainers, disgruntled ones who live by their desire; their mouths utter bombast as they fawn over people to gain advantage. (14b-16)

Who are the complainers?  The godless sinners who have uttered harsh words against him.  YIKES.   When we blame the Lord for our infertility or a natural disaster, we are included in this category.  


WHAT'S WRONG WITH COMPLAINING?


When we complain, we're doubting God.  
King David warns that those who complain are tempted to not obey.  Complaining also discourages others from listening to and obeying God.  "In their tents they complained; they did not obey the Lord."  (Ps. 106:25)


When we complain, we drag others down.
Whether our complaints are criticisms or just pointing out the negative in circumstances, complaining is a downer!  Often the first few words we speak to someone can set the mood for the entire conversation or day.  For example, when my husband comes home, do I want to spend those first few moments focused on the negative and dampen his spirit, or on the positive and set a joyful tone for our evening?  


When we complain, we're focused on the negative.
This can lead to focusing on what we don't have, which sparks feelings of jealousy or envy.  This can lead to greater anger or unrest.  This is what happened when Joseph's brothers were jealous and sold him into slavery.  


When we complain, we're ungrateful to God.
"Harsh words...uttered against him" is not limited to blasphemy but includes ingratitude. As Moses led God's people through the desert, there was much complaining.  Despite the incredible escape and miraculous provision of daily manna, the people complained 

"We remember the fish we used to eat without cost in Egypt, and the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic.  But now we are famished; we see nothing before us but this manna.  When Moses heard the people, family after family, crying at the entrance of their tents, so that the Lord became very angry, he was grieved."  (Numbers 11:5-6, 10)

1 Corinthians 10:10 commands us, "Do not grumble." 

The remedy?  

1 Thes 5:18, "In all circumstances, give thanks."  

In The Hiding Place Corrie ten Boom tells her story of working underground to help Jews who were trying to escape Nazi concentration camps.  She and her sister, Betsie were eventually caught and placed in horrific concentration camps themselves.  After smuggling in a Bible, they hold a Bible study for the women in the barracks. After reading 1 Thessalonians 5:18, "In all circumstances, give thanks," the following occurs:

“Thank You,” Betsie went on serenely, “for the fleas and for -”

The fleas! This was too much. “Bestsie, there’s no way even God can make me grateful for a flea.”

“‘Give thanks in all circumstances,;” she quoted. “It doesn’t say ‘in pleasant circumstances.’ Fleas are a part of this place where God has put us.”

And so we stood between piers of bunks and gave thanks for fleas. But this time I was sure Betsie was wrong.

Later Corrie and Bestsie discover that the reason the guards never enter their barracks.  Why?  Because it's well-known to be infested with fleas!  The fleas are the reason they're able to have their prayer time and Bible study!  The Gospel was shared again and again and hearts were ministered to as a result of the freedom that the fleas provided.  "Give thanks in all circumstances" indeed!

A CHOICE:

It's as simple as a choice.  Are you going to complain or be positive?  I remember a silly song we used to sing as kid in Vacation Bible School that went like this,

Are you grumbly hateful,

or humbly grateful?

1. Choose like Job: Job, suffering from enormous loss and accusations from friends and his wife, states his choice loud and clear, "I say, I will forget my complaining, I will lay aside my sadness and be of good cheer."  (Job 9:27)

2. Think like Paul:

"Finally, brothers, 

whatever is true, whatever is honorable

whatever is just, whatever is pure,

whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious,

if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, 

think about these things."  (Philippians 4:8)

The Ignatius Study Bible comments on this verse, "he challenges us to ponder all that is virtuous in order to crowd every impure and unworthy thought out of our minds.  This implies a close relationship between contemplation and conduct." (Ignatius Study Bible, pg. 362)  

3.  Be grateful like David:  In the midst of trials and tribulations, David commands us to "Offer praise as your sacrifice to God."  (Psalm 50:14)  Praising the Lord and thanking Him for the gifts He has given us, is often the hardest thing to do.  When we are in a low moment, you want to do anything BUT thank Him.  But thanking Him and offering Him praise, despite our troubles, can do more to lift our spirits than anything else!

4. Complain like James: If there is a problem that needs to be addressed, do so with a ready solution.  At the Council of Jerusalem, Saint James summarizes the problems in asking the gentiles to be circumcised and offers a solution to "stop troubling the Gentiles who turn to God" (Acts 15:19) and instead of focusing on outward details such as circumcision, focus no matters of the heart such as idolatry and adultery.  Sometimes problems must be brought to light.  Ask yourself: are you voicing your complaint in order to solve the problem or just to vent?  

WHAT TO DO:

1. Listen to the following!  Check out this song which puts Philippians 4:8 to music!  (Unfortunately the translation is different, but still awesome!)  (Seeds Family Worship cds are wonderful.  Each song is a Scripture passage put to music.  It's simple lyrics and upbeat style is fun for the whole family.  Abigail and I listen to them every morning as we play.  It's a great way to memorize Scripture!)
2. Keep a Thanksgiving Journal.  Begin and end your day by naming five things for which you are thankful.  
3. Turn your complaints into thanks.  If you hear yourself complaining, add the word "BUT" to the end and turn it into a praise. For example, "I'm so tired, but am thankful I have a warm place to sleep."  
4. Memorize Job 9:27

"I say, I will forget my complaining, 

I will lay aside my sadness and be of good cheer."