Want some juicy GOSSIP?!?

Well, you've come to the wrong place!  :)

Why?  Because...

"Gossip is a disease that infects and poisons the apostolate. It goes against charity, means a waste of energy, takes away peace and destroys one's union with God."  (St. Josemaria Escriva, The Way)

That's quite a list!  Let's look at that list again:

• Gossip is a disease that infects.
• Gossip poisons the apostolate.
• Gossip goes against charity.
• Gossip is a waste of energy.
• Gossip takes away peace.
• Gossip DESTROYS one's union with God.

When I began student teaching, I had the cutest, sweetest mentor teacher.  The first day she let me know that she avoided the teachers' lounge like the plague because it was a haven for gossip.  She explained, "There's gossip about the students, gossip about the parents, and gossip about the teachers. So I don't go in there!"  

Such wise advice that stuck with me.  But when I started teaching, I enjoyed the fellowship with teachers and wanted to spend time with them, so I bravely opened the door to the teacher's lounge.  Yep.  Gossip was a huge temptation.  To help me, I bought the book Gossip: Ten Pathways to Eliminate it from Your Life and Transform Your Soul.  It convicted me of the evils of gossip and motivated me to eliminate it from my life.  

SPEAK NO EVIL

If it's so evil, why do we do it?  Dr. Laura addresses gossip in her book The Ten Commandments under the commandment, "Thou shalt not kill."  

1. "To feel or seem more important"(pg. 197) Everyone's eyes are on you!  
2. "To raise their status through the lowering of someone else's" (pg. 197) Painting a bad picture of others makes us look better!
3. Just for the entertainment value" (pg. 198)  It's entertaining and acceptable!

But let's examine the harm done for such a momentary pleasure.  James 3:6 states, "The tongue is also a fire.  It exists among our members as a world of malice, defiling the whole body and setting the entire course of our lives on fire, itself on fire by Gehenna."  It's easy to see how gossip starts a fire.  A tiny flame- a word or look here or there- gets repeated and fanned out until it's a roaring flame, threatening to devour us.  It's interesting that he notes it defiles the whole body, when we consider that we are all the body of Christ. He goes on to command us in 4:11a "Do not speak evil of one another, brothers."  And in Numbers 12:1,9-10 Miriam is punished with leprosy after gossiping about her brother's marriage.  

King David had strong words for gossipers as well:

You give your mouth free rein for evil;
you harness your tongue to deceit.
You sit maligning your own kin,
slandering the child of your own mother.  (Psalm 50:19-20)

We MUST NOT GOSSIP!  This includes

• Repeating information- even if it's true, known, or just a joke- it's not necessary or kind.
• Asking people to pray for a person - and revealing the juicy details.  There's no such thing as holy gossip!  If a person has asked for prayers, you can either ask permission to widen the prayer circle, or possibly share the request with VERY limited information.  The onus is on YOU to protect the person's privacy and reputation.  If there's a doubt, don't share.  
• Gossiping or complaining about our husbands (or wives!)  This just makes you look bad.
• Repeating information to our husbands (or wives.)  If it's something you feel they need to know, ask permission first!   Marriage is a sacred relationship.  Don't infect it with evil.

HEAR NO EVIL

Maybe you're convinced to speak no more evil of others!  But it's not your fault if you overhear something!  Or is it...

The book of Numbers tells the story of Joshua and the spies.  Moses sends Joshua, Caleb, and ten others to scout the Promised Land before they invade. The twelve spies return, and ten of them spread damaging rumors about the land of giants.  As a result "the whole community broke out with loud cries, and even in the night the people wailed.  All the Israelites grumbled against Moses and Aaron..."  Numbers 14:1-2a  Only Joshua and Caleb remained faithful to the Truth, as well as recalled the saving power of God, pleading with the people not to lose heart or faith.  The scene is the perfect illustration of the following quote:

Joy in hearing useless things gives direct rise to distraction of the imagination, gossiping, envy, uncertain judgments, and wandering thoughts, from which flow many other pernicious kinds of harm.  (Saint John of the Cross, The Ascent of Mount Carmel)

When you hear gossip, your imagination can go wild, painting a much more extreme picture of what is really happening.  You may be tempted to jealousy of what you think a person has or doesn't have.  Perhaps you thought you knew someone, but now aren't sure.  Or perhaps you didn't know a person at all, but now you think you do!  All of these result from listening to gossip.

What can you do if gossip is happening in your presence?  Saint Francis de Sales has solid advice in Introduction to the Devout Life. 

When you hear ill of anyone, refute the accusation if you can in justice do so; if not, apologize for the accused on account of his intentions...and thus gently check the conversation, and if you can, mention something else favorable to the accused.

Let's examine that more closely, as well as other tips.

• Refute the accusation.  
• Apologize on their account.
• Change the subject.
• Mention something favorable about the accused.
• Give the person the benefit of the doubt.  
• KNOW that it WILL get back to them.  It always does.  
• Walk away.
• Tactfully point out that this is gossip.  This one is tricky because you don't want to embarrass the speaker, but often times simply calling a spade a spade defeats the problem.  

So what CAN you talk about?  Ask questions!  Be interested in the life of of the person you're talking to!  Be interesting, period!  Learn something to discuss!  (Is anyone else reminded of "Joey" buying the "V" encyclopedia on "Friends"?)  My husband explained that in boot camp, they were required to be familiar with three news stories every morning, one local, one national, and one sports, so that they would have something to discuss.  Brilliant!  Share your heart, your story, your faith.  Be a blessing!

My Name is Gossip. I have no respect for justice. I maim without killing. I break hearts and ruin lives.I am cunning, malicious and gather strength with age.The more I am quoted, the more I am believed.I flourish at every level of society.My victims are helpless. They cannot protect themselves against me because I have no name and no face.To track me down is impossible. The harder you try, the more elusive I become.I am nobody's friend.Once I tarnish a reputation, it is never that same.I topple governments and wreck marriages.I ruin careers and cause sleepless nights, heartaches and indigestion.I spawn suspicion and generate grief.I make headlines and headaches.Remember, before you repeat a story, ask yourself:Is it true? Is it fair? Is it necessary??If not, do not repeat it,

KEEP QUIET!  

(author unknown, but taken from Dr. Laura's The Ten Commandments, pg. 203)

WHAT TO DO:

1. Consider when you are most tempted to gossip.  What is driving that temptation?  How can you proactively take steps to avoid gossiping in that situation?
2. Apologize to at least one person whom you have gossiped about.  Yes, I know.  This is a serious case of humble pie- I've had to do it.  But it goes a LONG way in ensuring you'll think twice before gossiping again!!!
3. Reread the reasons why people often gossip.  Do any of these hit home with you?  Spend some time in prayer this week addressing this.  
1. Need to feel important?  Listen to the Lord as He tells you "You are precious to in my eyes, and glorious, and because I love you." (Isaiah 43:4a) and "He will rejoice over you with gladness, and renew you in His love.  He will sing joyfully because of you, as one sings at festivals."  (Zephaniah 3:17-18a)
2. Trying to look better than someone else?  "Do nothing out of selfishness or out of vainglory; rather, humbly regard others as more important than yourselves."  (Phil. 2:3)
3. Know it's "bad', but think it's fun?  "So turn from youthful desires and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord with purity of heart."  (2 Tim 2:22)