Abigail did GREAT!

We are HOME and Abigail did GREAT!  Thanks for the prayers!  We arrived Monday, had lunch and went straight to our appointment.  That appointment brought about much confusion and phone calls to our primary pediatrician.  We decided to cancel the surgery with that doctor and reschedule a consult with a different doctor the next day.  Since we had the morning free, we went to the zoo!  

Silly girl liked the animals, but LOVED the cartoon zoo decorations!

After the zoo, we took our sleepy girl to the doctor.  This appointment felt much better, and he was able to squeeze us into his schedule for the following day.  (The surgery wasn't an emergency, but we were trying to avoid another 5 hour trip!)

When we asked if he could fit is in the following day, he agreed because he felt badly that he made me cry.

He made you cry???

My big fear through this process has been a mental picture of the nurses taking Abigail away while she is upset and calling for me.  The imaginary scene kept me up at night.  The four doctors I spoke to about this assured me that they should let me be with her when they sedate her and definitely when she wakes up.  But this doctor said NO to both.  My emotions were just under the surface and I couldn't stop the tears from flowing as I tried to argue my case!  But he wouldn't hear it.

In the end, it didn't matter.  My imaginary fear was just that: imaginary.  She did great and didn't cry one bit. They said she was laughing and playing right up until the anesthesia kicked in.  That's our girl!!

But when she was done...she cried.  Oh, she was hysterical.  It nearly broke my heart.  As I held our sweet girl, I realized that so much of my anxiety in this process has revealed my deep-seated fear of losing her.  As I've said before, the pain of infertility and adoption loss has led me to expect loss.  While waiting for the adoption to be finalized, I was on-edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop.  This surgery, which was minor in the long run, felt like the shoe might be dropping, and I was over-come with anxiety.

Once again, I'm inviting Jesus into the deep places of my heart, flinging open doors that have been locked and bolted and marked with a sign, "DO NOT ENTER: DANGEROUS TERRITORY!  MIGHT BREAK HEART IF OPENED!!!"  Oh please, Jesus, knock down these barriers and battle these fears for me.  Heal my wounds so they will stop festering.  Apply your sweet balm and bring my soul peace!!!

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How's this picture for some sweet balm for the soul?  Abigail had her first taste of juice yesterday and she liked it!  But in a moment of overwhelming generosity, she graciously shared it with her "baby".  Notice "baby" has a matching bandage?!