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| The park across the street. And there's a bigger park just a little bit further! |
When we first moved here, I envisioned getting to know my neighbors and spending evenings in the park. But it's a funny thing- if you don't have a kid or a dog, it's hard to have an "in". I used to tag along with my neighbor and her little girl, but then they moved away, and I felt silly walking over to the playground by myself.
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| No, the whole thing's not ours! Four families share this. We live in the bottom right unit! |
Mother Theresa said, "Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty." I believe it! It's easy to say, "get involved" and "be proactive", but the ache in your heart just intensifies the isolation.
Are you feeling lonely? Here are some verses that help me:
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Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.
Psalm 25:16
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And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.
Matthew 28: 20
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No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life.
As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.
Joshua 1:5
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O Lord, you have searched me
and you know me.
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
Psalm 139: 1-2
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Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Matthew 11:28
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The real widow, who is all alone, has set her hope on God
and continues in supplications and prayers night and day.
1 Timothy 5:5
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What do you do when you're lonely?
8 comments:
I may have to print this out and post it to my forehead.
Seriously, it is exactly what I needed today. I hate to complain about loneliness when I know there are many women who ache for a husband, and at least I have that. But you're right... it's like I don't quite "fit in" in my neighborhood, unless it's with the older couples whose kids are all out of the house already.
Oh, and I didn't answer your question.
When I'm lonely... I bug my goddaughters' parents to send me pics or let me visit, to get a baby fix of a baby who is spiritually "mine." :)
Wow. You were in my head today. Dh and I just attended a party with all our friends we met about 6 years ago in our local parish young adults group. This was - and in many ways still is - our main social group here and we've celebrated wedding after wedding and birth after birth with these wonderful folks. Well, guess what? When we arrived at the party, it occurred to me: We're officially the only couple without a child. Every single couple had a baby and many were on baby two or three. All the kids, roughly the same age, played together. Friends exchanged parenting stories and experiences. I could tell many hung out more with each other than us because they had this bond.
While we still felt like part of the group, I also felt like we were on the outside too. It was strange. Dh bragged about my current career endeavors (the last thing I want to be "known" for), and I wondered if people thought were were avoiding for my career? It was just so weird all the way around.
And of course, my sisters have been bonding for years over parent status.
Thanks for the scriptures. When I am lonely, I often connect with someone in a similar situation or remind myself of all that great parents and families that occurred later in life (like St. Therese's parents). And pray. Sorry for the suuuper long comment.
We were the last person in our group of friends to have children as well. When spending time with a group of the mothers, I could see that they were struggling to find a conversation topic that would include me. Bless their hearts, but at the time it made me feel terrible when they would finally settle on, "So, how are your cats?"
I called my mom a lot when I was lonely. And if she was busy, start calling my sisters from oldest to youngest until I got someone!
Eva! I get the SAME "How are your cats?" comment! HAHA How funny is that? (I know its not funny, really, its just amazing that I'm not the only one that gets asked this question! Its all I'm known for, it seems ..... )
Lauren - These are GREAT quotes ... your past loneliness describes me to a T. Its so hard seeing what your life "could" be like if you had kids ... more friends/conversations/etc. Besides cats, there's nothing exciting going on in my life. Like Sarah, I hate to comment too much on my career.
When I'm lonely, I usually find my husband and talk to him. He always provides great inspiration to me about God's plan for our life and family. I also get on the blogs and read about others lives and words of wisdom. And yes, I also go hug my cats! :)
I loved all of these comments and can totally relate. I was always asked about my cat, too!! THanks for sharing how you handle your loneliness. My Mom wrote to me and said she reads a fiction book!
Love your post! It's soooo true! Our neighborhood is bustling with children and mommies! And I DO fit right in. Walking dogs and kids definitely makes for good conversation starters. You're right! But it was a little lonely when we first got here and we didn't know anyone. Not lonely in the needing kids sense, but in the needing fellowship. I would listen to the Faith and Family podcast when I was really down and I was reminded of the multitude of other Catholic/Christian moms out there doing the same thing I was doing.
And we actually baked cookies and welcomed OURSELVES to all of our neighbors who had been here before us but hadn't come by to say hi. Kinda desperate sounding, I suppose, but we felt totally self-confident doing so and were glad we did it!
I also experienced loneliness during my year of praying for a sibling for Ben. Though I had him to focus on, I was so worried for him that he would be an only child! I didn't want that for him and I felt lonely having only ONE child when all of my friends around me seemed to be bursting with fertility! I know you understand that one! You are such a witness though, my dear! And I'm SOOOOO glad you have your sweet Abigail to bring you such joy (and socialization!). :) Love you!
You have such a gift for sharing your heart and hurt without placing blame and at the same time drawing people to a "new" awareness. I will certainly be more mindful of our neighbors and friends without children. Any suggestions on how to be more inclusive?
When I am lonely, I call a friend to go to lunch or eat a cookie (hmm maybe I could use some new strategies!). :)
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