We always have! We might disagree on what constitutes "big" now and then, but we have always seen children as blessings and looked forward to eagerly accepting them. We would laugh with giddy anticipation of negative comments from others about the size of our large family. We looked forward to evangelizing just by leaving our house and being able to respond with love to, "You know what causes that, right?" and other such ridiculous comments.
When infertility was apparent, we were baffled. We readily accepted the challenge of witnessing to the beauty of Humanae Vitae. Why would the Lord keep this from us?
Five years, sixty empty cycles, three unsuccessful adoptions, and two beautiful daughters later, we have received our first negative comment!
It's only happened once, and frankly wasn't that rude, but I'm savoring it. :)
A woman looked at tiny Gianna, then not-so-tiny, but obviously young, Abigail, and said snidely,
"You must really like being pregnant."
As I laughed at the thought of me being some fertile myrtle, I considered responding, "Actually not a day in my life!" But she had already turned away, so I just tightly hugged Gianna to me, squeezed Abigail's hand, and smiled contently.
Guess we'll get our chance to witness after all!
28 comments:
I was just thinking yesterday about how much I want to be a witness to the goodness of children and a big family, and how it stunk walking around looking like everyone else-a couple who contracepted. We still look like that, with just one kid, but hopefully sometime in the future we'll get the chance to be "that" family. :)
This whole post gave me chills. Especially this line:
Five years, sixty empty cycles, three unsuccessful adoptions, and two beautiful daughters later....
You are blessed woman :)
Wow! The comments people make! Praise God for your two beautiful daughters who witness his love and goodness, and for you who images his love for us and the beauty of parenthood.
I really love your attitude! How blessed you are to have your beautiful babies. You are a beautiful witness to life!
I've had my share of comments and it's funny...I never WANTED them, but they came anyway. Maybe if I turn my attitude to be more like yours, as opposed to fearing what others think or say, our witness will be more powerful. :)
With two babies? TWO? That must be a shot of that "tolerance" I've heard so much about.
Thank you for your reminder that the comments are an opportunity. I'm currently pregnant with my 5th, and some days I feel like I'm walking around with a sign around my neck that reads "BREEDER: PLEASE JUDGE."
That's awesome! I love the comments too, about "your hands are full" and whatnot. It's so great that loving families want lots of children, keep on going! I have made it my goal, whenever I see a mom with lots of kids, I smile and say "what a blessing!". They always stand there somewhat stunned, it's cute:)
Lauren, love your blog and have followed your journey faithfully. I live in NY State and have been blessed with two children (we would love more) and I get the 'you have your hands full' all the time! And they're almost 4 years apart! Up here, if you have more than two you're either considered a saint or crazy! God bless you.
I have never gotten that exact comment, but going out with my 2 at 15 months apart, I get comments all the time...mostly saying that I am crazy!
We are witnesses!
So blessed you are to have 2 beautiful girls! They are blessed to have you as their Mama too!!
That is so funny, Lauren! Smile when you are persecuted. What a feeling to be told this. I kinda sorta know...I mean, people look at me and say she is SO OLD and yet she WANTS to be pregnant at here age!!! Or, they ask how many "other" children I have, like the children I had when I was more appropriately younger! LOL!!!! And, that I can't stop.
Ha!
It is weird to have two children and still know oneself as infertile versus one's hope for their family size.
You express it perfectly.
Can't wait to see pics of your family!
I love this post, your attitude and your heart. Bless you!!
Meg- I ought to write about how I handled it when we were a family of two. Though it wasn't immediately obvious, I tried to witness by choosing to be open to the Lord's will rather than manufacturing a child. When the issue came up, people were often surprised that we would rather wait or adopt rather than IVF or surrogacy. I hope you get to be "that" family, too!!!
Kira- CONGRATULATIONS!! How wonderful! I think it was less our family size and more how close together the girls are!
God bless you for not smacking that person in the head!
:) I frequently get comments too ('hands full', and questions about age difference, etc). With three under 4 it is a very busy time in my life right now. I personally find it hard to avoid the "easy" or secular response inside of me. I need to be converted from the inside out on this one.
How rude!! But I have to laugh at her ignorance. She's so backwards it's funny. YOU totally win that one. :)
lol - your response (stated or not) to her rudeness made me smile. We all witness to life in different ways, no matter the size of our family. I'm already amazed that we get raised eyebrows when we answer "no!" when people ask if we're "done" b/c we have two. And then they say, "So you're trying for a girl?" or "But what if you keep having boys?" I just laugh and say, "We just want a big family. Whatever we get, we'll love!"
I actually love the negative comments - what a chance to witness! Sometimes we're the only chance they'll ever have to witness openness to life!
Someday all those children will be grow up to somebody's best friend. And we all need a best friend.
Lena
If she only knew! :)
What a beautiful family you are! :)
love it, love it, love it! I love this post! I love your attitude! I love your sweet girls!
-Annie
This is totally hilarious that you are totally enjoying that comment! It would drive me insane! I love you, Lauren!
I don't think you should be "looking forward" to negative comments, perhaps a sigh of pity and remorse that the world misleads us still. In fact looking forward to opposing others could be a bad thing "strife and vanity" should always be the last thing we look forward to with our neighbors, love and forgiveness and sticking to the truth even if it hurts. We should always remember we are called to be servants to Christ and others "Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves" It not a contest of who's better who's best and if we are indeed better, then it is we have the greatest share of responsibly for helping others towards Christ. "To those, who more has been given, more will be asked"
Dear Anonymous,
You're kidding me, right?
Please give yourself a name when you leave such comments. You completely misread my intent. Oh, brother!
I love your response to annoynomous, btw!
As for comments... ah, welcome to the world of parents judging parents. When we talk about children being cruel to each other, we should look at how parents are equally cruel to each other. I even find myself guilty of it from time to time (though I try hard not to be!) Judge not... but we do. Even the best of us!
You are a great mom! And I'm so happy for your two sweet babies!
I love this post! You've inspired me to be more joyful we receive our own "negative comments!"
I love how the Lord has provided for you ... and I pray you are blessed abundantly more!
I believe there is a danger (among Catholics such as myself) of doing the right things for the wrong reasons, that's all. An all knowing God, is also all knowing of our motivation and we (myself especially) all are in danger of doing things "for ourselves" and telling God it's "for Him". Not letting our right hand know what the left hand is doing, praying in silence instead of proclaiming our good deeds, giving from our want, not just from our surplus, being unable to cast the first stone at a sinner, ... points to a God who's well aware of our 'why' we do what we do instead of just 'what' we do. Sure, it's good that you value family, but that's only what a humble servant of God is supposed to do. There is no great reward or recognition for doing what's right, no more than someone being rewarded for doing their job and enjoying the work. We should not disparage others who are lost and criticize us, if we have found the way. The only difference I see in their value is that they just misunderstand the difference between something that is valuable and something that is worthless. Other people's mistakes don't make me more valuable to God, that's like going to a hospital and saying to the sick, "God, loves me...See how healthy I am!" Nobody does that, they have pity for the sick and do whatever they can to get them well and feel deep grief over their pain and suffering.
Anonymous - I think you are totally misdirected in the spirit of Lauren's joy - and seem to be squashing it, in fact. Forgive me, Lauren, for speaking on your behalf. To set the record straight, I am speaking on my own accord, not for Lauren. But, it seems to me, Anonymous, that if you knew Lauren, you would understand her better and know that she is not trying to say that she's better than anyone else or anything like that. She is proud to have her beautiful babies and probably does have pity on those who don't understand the joy or parenthood.
While your intent may be good, it just sounds arrogant and judgemental. So please, think before you write such things anonymously. Your tone may be sweet, but since we can't hear your voice, it sounds harsh and know-it-all, holier-than-thou attitude.
Peace
Isn't it interesting how people make those comments more like throwing a stone and quickly running away. We went grocery shopping on Tuesday and everyone was really kind except for one lady. She simply threw a stone and kept walking...... Keep record of the kind comments and turn the other cheek to the harsh ones!
Post a Comment