Q&A about Adoption

It's only taken me a month, but I'm finally able to answer these questions suggested by Grace  in my Heart!  Hop on over HERE to find other answers to these questions!  Thank you, GIMH, for suggesting these excellent questions!

Questions for Adoptive Mother's for those Discerning Adoption:
(Please feel free to copy and paste and then leave the post link with your answers!)


1.  How did you know when to begin the adoption process?


We had always planned to adopt, so infertility just sped up the timeline for us.  When we began to have trouble conceiving, we thought, "Why wait?"  It only made sense to us to start growing our family however possible.  
2.  Did you ever feel like you failed at TTC (and were giving up "trying") so that's why you adopted?  What suggestions do you have for those working through these emotions?
We did not feel like we were giving up on our fertility as we began the adoption process.  We still suspect we will get pregnant one day, but that possibility did not mean we should prolong trying to adopt.  We wanted to grow our family with any means possible, so began trying to adopt as well as conceive.  


As the years have gone by, though, I am taking less and less actions to try to conceive.  I slowly dropped my meds until I'm not even taking a prenatal vitamin anymore.  I've stopped charting.  We've really thrown caution to the wind and are shrugging our shoulders at the whole thing.  We are so insanely happy with Abigail, that we really don't care if we conceive or not.  In fact, I'd rather not right now because that would mess up the timing of our next adoption!

3.  Were you and your husband on the same page about adoption?  What suggestions do you have for a spouse who may not be as excited as the other about adoption?


We were on the same page about wanting to adopt.  I however, wanted to start the process after six months of trying to conceive.  J wanted to wait a little longer.  We decided to wait a year (six more months), which was a pretty easy compromise.  
4.  How did you work through figuring out where to adopt from, how open to be, and what type of communication to have with your child's birthparents?
Deciding between domestic and international was an easy decision for us.  At the time, my husband's security clearance was too high and he couldn't go overseas.  I was not about to do go on my own at that point, so domestic it was!  


Openness is a different story.  We were comfortable with semi-open, but felt pressured by the social workers to be open to open!  :)  When Caeden Michael came along, we were REALLY forced to examine the issue.  It took MUCH prayer and soul searching, along with some desperate emails and phone calls to other bloggers, to come to terms with it.  (I write about it HERE.)  Even then, we weren't comfortable with it.  But now, we see how our relationship with Abigail's extraordinary birth mom has developed naturally and how beautiful that relationship can be.  We still don't think ALL adoptions should necessarily be open.  In our latest "Dear Birth Mother" letter we offer regular emails, phone calls and pictures.  If the relationship naturally becomes more involved, that would be a welcomed gift!

5.  Adoption can be really expensive.  What recommendations do you have to work through the financial aspect of it all?
We were blessed through our hardship.  It seemed to take FOREVER to start our family, and during that time I worked.  We always lived off of my husband's income and used mine to pay off college debt and then build our adoption fund.  Now we plan to recycle the tax credit money for the next adoption.  The military also grants two thousand dollars for adoption, which is a great help.  If you're considering an adoption, I would recommend the basics.  Get Dave Ramsey's book, "The total money makeover" and get your finances in order.  Many times the money is there- it's just a matter of pinching some serious pennies.  

6.  Do you truly feel like a mother even though you didn't give birth?  If you've never been pregnant, do you feel like you missed out on this experience?
I remember thinking this was a silly question, until we were waiting for Caeden Michael, and suddenly I wondered, "would I REALLY love this child as if he was my own????"  Then one day I picked up a teddy bear that was in his crib and held it to my heart.  The maternal instincts that kicked in were INSANE.  "OK....if I can feel that way about a STUFFED ANIMAL, I'm pretty sure I will about a CHILD!!!"  


Now that we have Abigail, I cannot imagine loving her ANYMORE.  I am SO her Mom.  She's my baby.  My heart is exploding with love for her and I would go CRAZY without her!


Sometimes I feel like I've missed out on the birth experience.  Many of my friends have gone the natural route and I both wonder if I could do it and wish I could share in those stories.  But I try to look at it as our waiting and agonizing over Abigail as our own personal labor.  We had a very real spiritual labor that didn't end when she was placed with us.  We were danger of losing her due to a legal issue, and my heart still aches at the memory.
    7.  What prayers and/or books do you recommend for those discerning whether or not to pursue adoption?
We love the book Adopted for Life by Russell Moore.  Also, we recommend a sermon by Pastor Voddie Bacham.  

8.  What has been the best part about being an adoptive mother?

ABIGAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  She was SO worth the struggle, the wait and the heart-ache!  I'd go through it all again for just ONE of her smiles!  I've said it before and I'll say it again,

DON'T MISS OUT ON AN ABIGAIL!!!!