Did God HEAR Me?

It turns out, yes.

Looking back in my journal and blog posts, I prayed that:

• my eyes would be fixed on Him
• I would judge my circumstances according to Him, not judge Him according to my circumstances
• we would be strong enough to walk away gracefully (more on this later)
• I would praise Him as much whether or not we did get our baby boy
• I wouldn't be tested.

Well 4 out of 5 ain't bad...

UGH.

As I've said before, there is a difference between God's perfect will and His permissive will.  His perfect will does not include evil- which includes suffering, pain, sorrow, sickness, tears, death...  We were made for Paradise- for the Garden of Eden- for Heaven. 

But His permissive will allows us to choose freely.  It allows ALL of us to choose freely.  And sometimes people choose things that hurt us.  And sometimes we choose things that hurt others.  And sometimes God allows us to be tempted or tried for a bigger reason.  He allowed Peter to be sifted.

"Simon, Simon, behold Satan has demanded to sift all of you like wheat, but I have prayed that your own faith may not fail; and once you have turned back, you must strengthen your brothers.  He said to Him, 'Lord, I am prepared to go to prison and to die with you.' But He replied, 'I tell you, Peter, before the cock crows this day, you will deny three times that you know me.'" Luke 22:31-34

"Satan has demanded".  Satan had to ask for permission to tempt Peter.  And God allowed him to.  Why?  To sift him.  He used the experience to sift out Peter's arrogance and drew out his humility.  God also allowed Job to be tested. 

"One day, when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, Satan also came among them.  And the Lord said to Satan, 'Whence do you come?'  Then Satan answered the Lord and said, 'From roaming the earth and patrolling it.'  And the Lord said to Satan, 'Have you noticed my servant Job, and that there is no one on earth like him, blameless and upright, fearing god and avoiding evil?'  But Satan answered the Lord and said, 'Is it for nothing that Job is God-fearing?  Have you not surrounded him and his family and all that he has with your protection?  You have blessed the work of his hands, and his livestock are spread over the land.  But now put forth your hand and touch anything that he has, and surely he will blaspheme you to your face.' And the Lord said to Satan, "Behold, all that he has is in your power; only do not lay a hand upon his person.'  So Satan went forth from the presence of the Lord." Job 1:6-12

God pointed to Job to show an example of a righteous man, and Satan claimed Job's faith was only because of God's blessings.  He claimed that he could tempt Job to blaspheme and deny God's goodness.  And so a Heavenly battle began, and all the angels- the Sons of Man were cheering for Job.  And Job persevered and was able to say, "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD."  Job 1:21b

Beth Moore teaches in When Godly People Do Ungodly Things (read for free here pgs. 77-98) that God desires to prove our faith to be authentic.  He wants to purify and refine us.  He will ALLOW- NOT PLAN- trials, temptations and suffering FOR A GREATER GOOD- for OUR greater good.

"In this you rejoice, although now for a little while you may have to suffer through various trials, so that the genuineness of your faith, more precious than gold that is perishable even though tested by fire, may prove to be for praise, glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ."  1 Peter 1:6-7

"Yet He knows my way; if He proved me, I should come forth as gold."  Job 23:10.  Peter and Job were both whole-heartedly devoted- and they were both tested and tried by Satan.  God did not PLAN it, but He ALLOWED it and USED it.  It was not for nothing.  It was not wasted.   He is purifying us.  He is making us holy.

1 Thessalonians 5:23 says, "May the God of peace Himself make you perfectly holy and may you entirely, spirit, soul, and body, be preserved blameless for the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.  The one who calls you is faithful and He will accomplish it." 

In the tenth chapter of Daniel, he receives a vision and begins to pray desperately for understanding. For three weeks he prays, fasts, and mourns. For three weeks he receives NO answer- no word. Then suddenly his guardian angel appears. Apologizing for being late, his angel explains in verses 12-14 that he set out the moment he heard Daniel's prayer, but that he was detained in a great battle with Satan until Saint Michael the Archangel intervened and helped.

When my prayers do not seem immediately answered, I think of this story, and wonder if there is a great battle happening around me. Does the Lord have such plans for our family that Satan will stop at nothing to prevent us from having children? I hope that doesn't sound like an arrogant question. It is the honest question of a girl trying to make sense of this crisis- and who knows sometimes sense cannot be made or understood, but only taken in faith.

As I sat studying this and reflecting on it, I was interrupted by a huge ROAR that rattled the whole house.  It could only be one thing- the Blue Angels were here.  I was instantly overcome by a desire to go, stand on the flight line, and watch them.  As I changed out of my pjs, I prayed, "God, are YOU calling me out here, or is Satan trying to distract me?!"  He (God) didn't stop me, so I went! 

I was SO glad I had on my sunglasses, because every time those planes roared by, tears came in my eyes. The sonic boom is so great and so terrible.  It cuts right through you- and yet it doesn't hold a candle to God's power. 

A man standing next to me had a radio that allowed him to hear the radio calls of the planes.  From what I could hear, the only one talking was the lead.  The others listened intently and followed his command. If they hesitated or moved a second too soon, it could be total destruction.  It is a matter of life or death that they follow his every command in the instant he gives it. 

And as I watched their flawless formation, I knew: I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.  Through the ups and downs, the seemingly near collisions and insane speeds, I need to- I want to- I HAVE to- listen to my Commander's voice.  I MUST follow His command and go where He says- even if that means suffering, sorrow and pain. 

And OH the GLORY it will bring when I can dance with Lord like that.