Magnify the LORD with me,: Adoption

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Adoption

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick,

but a wish fulfilled is a tree of life."

Proverbs 13:12

We know about hope deferred. Almost every month of our marriage has ended in hope that is deferred as we realize that, once again, we are not expecting a new life in nine months. After three matches with three birth mothers that ended without a child in our arms, we experienced hope that is deferred. But finally, finally, our wish was fulfilled. We brought home our newborn baby girl, Abigail Chiara, in September of 2011.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

INFERTILITY

J and I married on June 10, 2006. We were in love and excited about growing our family to magnify the Lord. We both had a desire for a large family and felt confident this was how the Lord was calling us to glorify Him. It was soon clear that we were fertility challenged. It didn't take long for us to consider adoption. We had discussed the idea regularly throughout our relationship and hoped to adopt eventually. When we had trouble getting our family started naturally, it made sense to seek this additional avenue.

But it, too, brought many closed doors.

SAM AND GRACE

Our first match was with a woman expecting twins. This was a private match that would use a lawyer instead of an agency. We never met L, but she was a friend of a friend. We weren't convinced of her commitment to adoption and so guarded our hearts and told very few people about the possibility. Nevertheless, when the babies were born, our hearts were on the line and it was an emotional roller coaster. Through constant prayer and a friend's confirmation, I felt the Lord telling me to trust Him and let Him guard my heart. When the adoption officially fell through, I felt betrayed and confused. Why had the Lord allowed me to fall for these babies then let the door close? Through much discernment and prayer, He showed me that these babies needed my prayers, and allowing my emotional attachment, I was ready to fully commit to this undertaking.

MOVING ON

It took some time for our hearts to heal from Sam and Grace and to gather the courage to try again. When we were finally ready we had to wait longer because of a military move. Finally in October 2009 we were ready. We immediately dove into the application and home study process. We were approved in January 2010 and began waiting for the phone to ring!

ISAIAH

In May, the phone rang. There was a baby already born and waiting for us! A little baby boy had been born and was several hours away. Ironically, I was very close due to the fact that I was traveling with a friend. J filed paternity leave and hit the road to join me and travel the rest of the way. But while I was checking out at Target, buying them out of baby supplies, the phone rang again. The birth mother had changed her mind and decided to parent.

CAEDEN MICHAEL

Our hearts were aching, but we pressed forward and stayed active. We decided to sign on with a third agency that had a great reputation. In July, the phone rang again. This was a more usual situation with the birth mom eight months pregnant. She requested an open adoption and we began a relationship. Since she was on bed-rest, I spent a lot of time with her taking her to doctors' appointments, ultrasounds, and bringing her meals.

When the baby was born, we went to the hospital multiple times. We loved on M, brought her gifts, flowers and food. We respected the precious little time she had with the baby. She respected our anxiousness to meet the sweet baby and allowed us to hold him and even feed him. My heart is filled with joy at the memory.

The day we were supposed to bring him home, M called. Her parents had begun to call her and greatly pressure her to keep the baby. She didn't know what to do and hated what this would mean for us. (Go here for more details on that phone call.) Ultimately she decided to parent. We were devastated, but looking back I am so grateful that we had those couple months to love on her and bless her. I don't believe it was God's will to cause us both such pain, but I trust that He has and will use the relationship we had to bring her closer to Him.

ABIGAIL CHIARA

Three days later we found out about another match. While we were still matched with Caeden Michael's Mom, Abigail's birth mom was looking at profiles and trying to chose a family. She struggled to find a family that felt right to her. The social worker kept thinking of us, but knew we were already matched. On a hunch (hello, Holy Spirit!) she showed our profile and BING! She instantly chose us and refused to look at any more profiles. When our previous adoption fell through, we were told about this potential match. We were stunned, still reeling from the previous heartbreak, and scared to put our hearts on the line again. But how could we say no? We took a step out in faith and became an official match.

Abigail was born September 12, 2010 and came home two days later. She is the absolute love of our lives and was so worth the wait. She was worth all the heartaches of infertility and adoption losses. She was worth hope being deferred, and her arrival truly brings the tree of life!

MORE ADOPTION LINKS